The Head of BMW Design should design heads of s3x toys instead


Instead of designing ass-faced cars, why not design asses for faces?

I know, I know, I should refrain from personal attacks, but hear me out; this actually isn’t that. Let me start by saying that I quit using Facebook a few years ago but continued using Instagram—only to stay updated on the automotive world and see what a few people that I care about are up to. I’m not entirely sure why, but these days when go to the discover section (or, search page; not sure what it’s called), all I see are these so-called “influencers” showing off their ASSets. Which is why some people here call Instagram as Instagand (gand = ass). When I see all this, I’m like, “I can’t deal with this sh*t anymore, I’m done”.

And then I log on to the BMW website (because I was bored of Instagand), but all I see are ass-faced and pig-nosed cars, which makes me wonder if these so-called cars are designed for those lowlifes on Instagand.

When the X7 (concept) debuted in 2017, I thought, maybe BMW just wanted to have one oddball in its lineup, let them have it, what’s wrong with being just a li’l bit weird, right? After all, we all are a li’l weird. But then, the X7 was followed by the super-ugly 6th-gen 7 Series facelift in early 2019, Concept 4 in late 2019 (which later went on sale as G22 4 Series), iX in fall 2020, and of course, the ugliest of them all, the one and only, the XM—which debuted a year later.

As you know, the ugliness continues to this date. I mean, the G20 3 Series is such a sexy-looking car; every time I see one, I’m like, damn! I want one! But the LCI model in 2022 just ruined the front of it with bad proportions. I don’t understand this motherf**ker’s obsession with ass faces. Get off that Instagand you pervert! I mean, look at the 3rd-gen X1 and its ugly ass face, or the 8th-gen 5 Series—which looks like a Skoda. I’m pretty sure the G30 facelift owners are very happy because that is one of the best-looking BMWs in recent years and therefore it’ll have a good resale value.

Domagoj-Dukec,-Head-of-BMW-Design-BMW-4-Series-CoupéDomagoj Dukec, Head of BMW Design

Yea, yea, I get it, these ass-faced cars are not designed by the Head of BMW Design himself, but his eyes and brain function, right? I genuinely hope they do. At least clean the crap designed by your team before approving, right? Wipe their asses after they’re done crapping, that’s the least you could do, else their butt holes get clogged and they can’t crap properly anymore—which is exactly what has been happening for 6 years. If only he had washed their butts after the X7, the aforementioned ass-faces wouldn’t have existed.

Look, don’t try to label this nonsense as “being disruptive” or “different”, because Hyundai-Kia cars lately have shown how to truly be disruptive or different when it comes to automotive design. The people at the BMW design team are either delusional or simply don’t know what they’re doing. I don’t think they have a proper understanding of the proportions or how to make the front design elements work with the rest of the body. Yes, I’m fully aware that the BMWs in the distant past had gigantic grilles, but what’s important is that they worked with the rest of the car. That isn’t the case with these new ass faces.

I might have sounded a bit too harsh/rude, but when I look (or when someone makes me look) at cars such as E30, E46, 3.0 CSi, and 507, for example, I can’t help but wonder if the current BMW design team knows what they’re doing, and I think they all should find something else to design. If the design team’s (or social media team’s) goal was to make people talk about BMWs more (regardless of positive or negative talking), then congratulations, they’ve achieved their goal, but I don’t think the sales team and dealers are very happy because there are multiple reports of massive discounts on the XM (and possibly other ass-faced BMWs).

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